Ahhhhhh to fall in love with myself. Exactly what does this mean?
Over the years I’ve heard many people repeat this phrase. I’ve met a lot of people that say they love themselves but on observing their behaviour I’d have to disagree.
There are lots of reasons to love yourself. Unfortunately for most of us when we hear this or are instructed that we should do this we have no idea what this means. Be honest. Loving yourself….What is that?
So my body looks great and my eyebrows are on fleek (lol). And I love how I look in these jeans, so does this mean I love myself? On a very superficial level maybe, but the love I am talking about has nothing to do with the appearance. It has nothing to do with what can be seen with the naked eye, in fact it is purely an internal experience.
So do I love myself? I am so very deeply honoured ad relieved to say that in my 40th year of being on planet earth I most certainly can say that I do. Was it an easy thing to achieve? Hell No. It has been years of pain, anguish disappointment, anger, frustration yeah you get the drift. Did I know that I didn’t? Not at all. Do I still experience all of those emotions? Yes sure I do but I experience them extremely differently. They now are my guides.
I’d say the most difficult thing about loving yourself or even looking inside yourself is that no one explains how to do it. Maybe it’s just me but I had no idea how to do this, whether I’d achieved it or exactly what it was supposed to be like. The journey of discovery was so long and hard because I had been searching in all of the wrong places. What ‘he thinks’ or ‘she thinks’ or how ‘I think’ I appear has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Loving yourself is about being completely, absolutely, unreservedly, entirely 100% honest with yourself and loving whatever you find. This in and of itself is a difficult one. Mainly because I have never had to do this before. I didn’t realise I was supposed to. There are so many people and things that I had believed gave me a sense of who I am I didn’t think for one second that I need my own personal definition of myself and it so happened that my understanding of me was completely different to what ‘other people’ perceived. It was a shock to me to discover that I had harboured feelings of anger, rage and jealousy. I had no idea I had those traits, that I was that kind of person. In this momentary vision of myself in this way I was shocked. At the same time I felt relieved. Relieved that opening up to that was o.k. It felt like a weight had been lifted. Like I’d been relieved of some duty that I didn’t want to have. Who was I really fooling if not myself? Now I can be those things without judgement of them. I can even love them and accept them and be at peace with them as let’s be honest, they aren’t going anywhere. My feelings made that very clear a very long time ago.
Nothing is either good or bad only thinking makes it so.
But women aren’t ‘supposed’ to be angry and men aren’t ‘supposed’ to be vulnerable and you’re not supposed to do……, well it seems there are billions of people trying to keep up a façade. This unacceptance of themselves has contributed to them getting either very drunk, very high, in debt or in jail and the list goes on. Being dishonest with yourself and not loving yourself and ALL of your emotions can have very serious consequences.
Where had I learned to run away from emotions? “Do you want me to give you something to cry for?” was a favourite of my mum’s. Used when I was bawling my eyes out after a good slap or two. “Yes that’s just what I want mum”?. If you needed an incentive not to show how you feel that was as good as any. Please bear in mind that the frequent display of tears was a constant reminder of her own hurt and sadness which had been masked and buried. This admittance is not about blame by any means. There is none. This is about breaking the cycle.
I had been running around trying to get away from feelings as if I was a puppy chasing it’s tail. These feelings are not going anywhere and the revelation for me was that to appreciate this is a fantastic thing. Feelings are guides. Feelings are gifts. Feelings are precious. Especially the ones we label negative, intense, anxious, fear, anger, they are actually the best ones as they are the ones that teach us where to go or what action to take next. They are the ones that can free us from our own delusions. They are the ones that require our love the most as we have abandoned and neglected them as being terrible and dangerous.
By no means is this a straightforward journey. It is unlikely that after a 10 minute meditation and burning a few sage leaves you will truly feel like owning and accepting every single one of your feelings let alone love them. But I assure you that this is the way to creating a limitless life for yourself. It may seem that everything is happening to you and all the answers are ‘out there’ in the world but again I wish to challenge that assumption and ask you to see that the world is ‘in you’. Sitting lovingly with your feelings opens you up to new levels of consciousness. Separating the feeling from the thought is imperative. The thought is a distraction.
I work with individuals to take them on the same journey that I have been on myself. God knows I would love to take everyone on it and in time I will make that goal and vision a reality. But for now, give this a try, if you experience any person or thing pushing your buttons, irritating you or just not liking someone. Before judging them and making the issue all about them. Is there a part of you that can take that ‘thing’ and see where you also have this trait? Whether now or in the past, whether related to this situation or maybe to another? Do you ever behave in the same way you see a person that annoys you behave? Think. Be still. Get very honest.
Take the time to evaluate your judgements of others and you will often see that they are reflecting back to you the thing that you don’t wish to see or cannot bare to see in yourself.
Honesty, truth and a whole lot of openness and vulnerability will get you there. Once you get there fully you will have found your Utopia.