Positive Posts · Uncategorized

The Trouble with Resentment

I just got back from my routine haircut. Sitting in the chair my hairdresser was sharing his resentment with me about his brother who has a history of drug abuse and doesn’t work and his girlfriend who also doesn’t work but are able to get their dog seen by the PDSA for free. Whilst he is going to have to leave work early, pay £100 just for his dog to be seen by a vet as it’s an emergency.

Now, I have no idea whether people can claim benefits for their pets to be seen or not but I observe these minor resentments in people all of the time.

No matter where we believe we sit in the hierarchy of things, there’s always someone else we feel a sense of bitterness towards due to our perceived feeling of unfairness at their situation.

Those on benefits often get it very hard.  They are looked down upon as lazy and dependant members of society. No need to spare a thought for why or how they ended up in that predicament.

Why do we do this? Is it because it gives us a very teeny tiny feeling of self-righteousness?Maybe a sense that we are more virtuous than them somehow?  As many of us spend 2 /3 hours commuting to and from work and then spending 40 hours in a place that we hate in order to pay for the home that we’re never in because we’re always at work? I’m not sure why we feel we have the right to look down on others who are clearly either less fortunate or less interested  in hating how they spend their time as much as the rest of us.  Not sure which sometimes.

Are they a scapegoat for our own sense of unachievement, of unhappiness, dissatisfaction and sadness? We can always look around and point the finger at some group or individual and make ourselves feel more righteous that way.

What is not easy to admit to ourselves is that this existence we are in, If it is not to our satisfaction, is down to our own choices. We made certain choices in life that got us here and now we are here we wish we were somewhere else maybe? Or is it now that we are here that we wish we had made different choices? Regret maybe? Do you feel you never had any choices?

Either way, what is this resistance to change?  If you are not happy where you are you can move. You are not a tree!

Looking at others as a reason to justify your own position is neither helpful nor kind.

It is so simple to change your life in another direction to live a life that creates more happiness and fulfilment so that you don’t have to be envious or resentful of others. Sometimes it’s just a case of letting go of stuff!

Re-read.  I did say simple not easy!

The work I do is extremely deep and I’m going to be honest. I do not have a softly softly approach to getting results and ensuring that my clients get the changes they want.  I have tried and it doesn’t producethe results. So i have written some pointers below that you can begin with to help you let go of some of the resentments you may have towards others. Persistence on the whole is key.

Tip number 1: Change your perception.

Realise that there are thousands of possibilities and reasons why something happened or didn’t happen and that your ‘story’ may not be 100% correct. The likelihood of you being able to see the ‘bigger picture’ is highly unlikely.  Choose then a different way of looking at things that cause you to feel happier.

Tip number 2: Stop dwelling on a story in your mind that causes you pain.

Practice mindful breathing or yoga to become more present throughout your day. Spend more time in the present moment and remove the power of the repetitive thought by taking attention away from it. The thought isn’t helping you!

Tip number 3: Focus on things that are within your control

Begin with a list of things that are bothering you, things that need to be done and things you’d like to happen. Then remove all of the things that are out of your control. Focus only on the things that you can do something about. Everything else is taking up too much energy without the ability to make a difference it is simply draining you of energy.

Magical Fact:

Dwelling, ruminating and worrying about a thing cannot change it!

See how you get on.

Much love.

 

DW

 

 

 

 

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