Years and years.
I have held that conversation in my heart and head for 12 Years.
I knew the day would come that I would have to explain to my son why I believed that his Dad behaved in such a strange way. For reasons I know are to do with my own feelings I convinced myself it would be a good idea for my son not to know anything and that ‘Dad’ wasn’t that bad.
I’d convinced myself that it would be better for my son to believe this until it got to the point that he’s old enough to see the truth for himself. But why did I lie?
How many things do we hold in our hearts and heads because we don’t want to be the bearer of bad news for our kids, our families or just generally.
We have been convinced that our truth is something that we should keep to ourselves in order not to rock the boat or change the status quo. Those around us do their best to silence us or convince us that what we have to say isn’t valid. Throughout the age’s people who have declared what they believed to be true and right have been rejected and even murdered. I mean look what they did to Jesus.
In this society we are not encouraged to share what is on our minds in our own truth. It has to be dressed up and softened to not offend or upset others.
The point I wanted to make is that pure truth doesn’t hurt of offend. If I am offended by your ‘truth’ as opposed to your maliciousness then that is because on some level, I agree with you. On some level your words have struck a chord with my own feelings of self-dislike. No one wants to be criticized or disrespected. However the truth is neither critical nor disrespectful when it is coming from an honest place. If I observe something to be true and share this with you then you either can listen to my opinion and agree or disagree.
The truth is not a one size fits all. Perspective makes truth subjective. What is true for me may not be true for you but it is no less valid. Hiding what you feel is true to protect the feelings of others may or may not be needed in certain circumstances but how do you decide in which circumstances the truth should be held back? In this denial of the truth we have lost our ability to engage and debate and see all sides of a situation. We just ignore and carry on as though what we know to be true is invalid.
Holding on to what is true for you and keeping it inside does nothing but ensure that you are filling up with unexpressed feelings that have nowhere to go except inside of you waiting to implode. Holding on to painful stories IS painful. Expressing them is healing. It is a relief. Like removing a cork from a bottle of champagne you release the pressure and the contents spill out which is what they are supposed to do. It is what they were designed to do.
Holding your truth inside only causes the contents to implode leading to all sorts of emotional, mental and physical illness.
It is important that we get comfortable with being uncomfortable. For most adults, communicating their truth is extremely uncomfortable which makes the delivery of that truth very difficult if not impossible.
Whatever you have to share, find a safe place or person to share it. The world would be a better place if people felt comfortable sharing what is true for them and having someone non-judgmental to listen. There is magic in your truth. There is relief, healing and satisfaction in allowing yourself to open up to what is true for you. I hope that you will read this and share maybe one thing that is bothering you or that has been on your mind but you have kept it to yourself.
That one thing could be something small or something big but sharing it, getting it out into the open can bring such relief when shared with the right understanding and non-judgmental person.
Transformational Coaching provides a safe non-judgmental space and a journey of reflection, discovery and self-awareness. This journey allows you to be truly listened to. Combined with action and motivation you are able to move to a different level of awareness where all things are possible and all problems are simply temporary challenges that can be overcome.
With all the stresses of daily life, please reach out. A problem shared really is a problem halved.