Today, I am sharing with you an abbreviated version of an e-mail sent to me, the sender has given permission for me to share it in order to help anyone else who may have a similar story. I have shortened it quite a bit and attached below my abbreviated response:
Thank you for all of the posts you’ve written so far. They have made me look at things in a totally different way and I wanted to write to ask what your thoughts are on the below:
I have a pain and sadness that never really goes away. I, like you have been working in the corporate world for many years and I am making good progress in my career. I earn good money, have many nice things and can pretty much do whatever I want in my life but I just don’t feel happy. Hardly ever!
I try to be positive and I know how to behave in a way that doesn’t draw attention to how I’m really feeling. I work extremely hard at being the best at whatever I do. I just want those around me to be happy with the least amount of conflict.
I am the person that others turn to when they need to get their issues off their chest. Everyone comes to me for help and I do my best to help them but I don’t feel like anyone is really there for me. I am angry inside. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with it all, I sometimes feel like I might explode so I stuff it down in the hope that my friendly façade will just carry me through. I feel overwhelmed. I have tried counselling in the past as to be honest I have issues from the past which are too many to mention here but after reading your post on self- ownership I know this is something I need to address as a matter of urgency. I am finding this part the hardest.
I am really happy that you have found something within my posts that have resonated with you and helped you reflect on your current circumstances.
I wanted to ask how often you are aware of what you actually need for yourself? Or, if I can ask another question, what are the things that actually make you happy?
I hazard a guess that you have no real idea of what makes you happy. If I were to ask you to list what you would change about your life in order to make yourself happier would you struggle?
I sense from your e-mail that you would probably list other people as being the things that need to change in order to make you happy. (Not to say that other people don’t need to change) but after years of trying to change other people I think it’s fair to say that this isn’t possible.
(I try to be positive and I know how to behave in a way that doesn’t draw attention to how i’m really feeling) How do you know that you are not drawing attention to how you’re feeling? Our energy speaks much louder than our words. Who are you protecting from these feelings?
(I just want the people around me to be happy without any conflict) That is really nice but what about you? Do you want to make YOU happy too? What is it about conflict that is an issue here?
(I am the person that others turn to when they need to get their issues off their chest. Everyone comes to me for help and I do my best to help them but I don’t feel like anyone is really there for me) It seems that you would be a fabulous person to turn to in times of need. You seem to put others first and concern yourself with their welfare with little regard for your own as you don’t want any conflict despite the fact you mention this is not reciprocated.
(I am angry inside) yes, you will be angry. You have been ignoring yourself and getting nothing tangible in return! I think you’d agree that this is a very legitimate response to being ignored.
(I stuff it down) I would like to work with you on this in particular; stuffing anger down into yourself is harmful as well as painful.
(in the hope that my friendly façade will just carry me through) Do you mean the façade that you think other people will like and accept?
(I feel overwhelmed) I completely understand. Your feelings are a feedback mechanism to alert you to the fact that you are out of alignment. The overwhelming feeling is there to show you that you need to change something about your current circumstances and or thought process. Your feelings are there to help and guide you to figure out what your next steps should be. How you should proceed. Unfortunately as humans we don’t come with user guides and we have become detached from how to use this amazing built in feature of ours.
I would like to ask you for the next 24 hours, to give yourself as much focus and attention as possible. Become aware of all your thoughts and feelings and keep a note of what comes up for you. You may find this difficult as you are used to focusing on others however stick with it, maybe set reminders on your phone to bring attention back to yourself every so often. We will discuss your findings when we speak again.
Best wishes, Dionne x
Do you sometimes experience life in a similar way to this?
If so, I will be explaining much more about our internal navigation system and educating ourselves emotionally in my upcoming workshop on 24th June 2017. If you wish to be featured in a similar way please e-mail or private message me, If not I hope you can make it to the workshop.